|Posted on September 25, 2017 at 3:00 AM|
For the last couple months I've been thinking about what I want my blogging focus to be next, and I think I have now come to a decision. While I was blogging for the one hundred twenty eight days in a row, up till February 15th, I had intended to cover a third phase which would include in detail my specific experiences with mental illness. These would include in-depth discussions about my first symptoms, being bullied more so in Junior High School, college, my overdose attempt, at least of my past experiences. However, I feel that sharing and talking about these events would not be as effective here.
Unfortunately, and I know this may come across as impatient, but in the last six months the traffic to my website has declined significantly. Whosoever wants to check out my blogging is as I've encouraged all along to be an objective decision. If you're interested wholeheartedly, read as much as you'd like and hopefully share this website with other people. This will eventually improve once word of my website gets out to more people than I've been able to reach. I know and accept that. But it just feels like a waste of time to talk and talk about my experiences in detail if few people are checking this website.
I want to be able to attain captive audiences to share either parts of or larger segments about what I have been through in order to better inspire people. That clearly will not come from sharing that stuff here. I wish I felt differently. Many people have either been understandably busy or admitted not being a reading type to explore what I have written here so far. So, time will take care of more people eventually reading what I have shared here through my blog. Blogging will continue as well. Though, not nearly as frequent as earlier this year unless I hit an active streak.
I need to pursue that psychiatric evaluation and hopefully I can explore possible employment with NAMI whether locally or elsewhere in the state. At the IOOV training I met several of the trainees who worked for them and could see myself having a career with NAMI. However, that ambition is easier said than accomplished. My attempts at finding mental health-related employment opportunities here in Blair County (at least checking from since last Fall) has yielded only one job opportunity but what I am not comfortable doing (CPS). To put it bluntly, I have no idea what to do or pursue for the career-oriented employment I so desperately need to figure out if my anxiety is to diminish.
I know. The next logical thought would be to say I cannot expect to find something so soon and need to wait. Well, I'm sorry but I do not have the luxury of five year's worth of time; much of which is my responsibility from my symptoms. My chronophobic anxiety makes the time from October 1st to January 1st so nerve-wracking that I cringe. The clock is ticking and just about every chance I get this year I have either been on a NAMI planning committee, training, or participating in a mental health awareness event. I don't intend to stop that at all. Instead, next year I hope to pursue additional trainings and take on more responsibility for what I volunteer to do.
The future doesn't happen by itself. Neither will my magical relief from over two decades of anxiety caused by one unresolved source. All year long I've been plugging away despite being grievously unemployed. Don't thank me. I love it. I would just like to find some form of employment with mental health to procure benefits and a steady income. So, this priority is way above any active blogging intentions I might have. I also feel that with trainings such as NAMI's IOOV, I will be able to better present parts of my own experiences with mental illness to live audiences. This is where sharing in detail what I have been through will have a better impact rather than here for few people to read.
I also hope to get favorable word from the publication writing opportunity I spoke of earlier this summer once the state budget passes (if it ever does). Not only that, I pray to find some way or someone who can help me advance my manuscript despite the fact that it lacks monologue and dialogue. Accomplishing those goals are most important. When I can give updates in general, or posting a thought-provoking blog entry, I will definitely continue that. But blogging day after day or several days at a time will not happen for quite a while.
I feel that to anyone keeping up on my writing here I owe them the respect by finally explaining what I expect to do going forward. Not to worry though. If I happen upon any major positive updates, I will post them here quite readily. Otherwise, do please read what you haven't had a chance yet to read and feel free to contact me with questions or comments. Till next time, smile often, take deep breaths, and appreciate the changing leaf colors as Fall progresses. Thank you all, kindly and much.
Categories: Mental Health & Awareness